February 26, 2013

dark twisted games

I never really bothered counting how close we are to our O's. Our first paper is in June. That's like 3 months away. I've always been getting B/Cs for chinese and to want to get an A1/2 for that subject in the June paper, that's just scary. Imagine how much harder I have to work just to get an A. That's not the end, after that we still have our other papers. It's ruthless putting a teenager through this. This practically determines everything. Whether you head on to a JC then a Uni, or you take a diploma in poly. It's like determining your future, isn't it?I really don't know how much of the stress I can take. Im not someone who can accept pressure and stress from friends, family, teaches etc. I'll just break down and probably do very badly for the papers. I still have a lot of work to do. I need As for all my subjects. ALL. It doesn't matter if it's an A1 or an A2. So long as it's an A I'm happy. The school's target for me is 20pts for prelim1. I don't know if it's an encouragement or if it's realistic. I don't know if what I've been aiming for realistic. I've always wanted a 10/12. At least it's within range of where I can go. I don't know. A 20 totally crashed my confidence. are they right? am i really that pathetic. a 20 can get me no where and my parents will most likely make me retake as a private candidate. i signed my registration slip today and it didn't feel right. i need to start working hard, harder than everyone else. i need this so badly. i want this so badly.
SYC'13 is coming up pretty soon too. will I be able to handle all the stress for O's and syc? pressure's on me. it's all on me. i'm afraid of sharing my thoughts nowadays because people say im stupid for asking such dumb and obvious questions. i really have no idea what to think and do. all i know is that I need to finish up council, cca and go hard for studies.
I want this really badly.
I won't give up. I'll do this. I'll make you proud. Just watch me.