September 13, 2015

Thus far

No one ever reads anything I post here, so why have I been wrecking my brains for the last 30 minutes or so trying to find things to write about and update this space. I just felt like I needed to update this space before it becomes too dead. I tried to think of things to post about, anything at all really, and there were countless topics that came to mind. But I was just really lazy, unmotivated and uninspired to really write something (not cringe worthy) out. 

While everyone is out and about having fun and making full use of their semester break, here I am having my attachment to a childcare centre. "You chose this course! Why are you complaining?" I'm complaining because I'm spending half of my (rather well-deserved, in my opinion) semester break in a childcare centre. Yes no doubt I love working with children and just being around them can instantly make my day. But still, the thought that everyone else is out there having fun, getting their rest while I'm trying to chase after children that don't respect me as a teacher.........

Sometimes the children can make my day all sunshine and rainbow sprinkles, but there are days whereby it gets really tough. And here's why: There's a distinct difference in the groups of children that I'm attached to. One group showers me with hugs and occasional kisses on my cheeks, and always says good morning/goodbye whenever they've arrived or whenever they're about to leave. But the other group of children constantly reminds me that "I don't like you!!" "You no good girl!!" "I only like &#(&@ teacher and @&#@ teacher (names obviously replaced with @I#I&@ to save their identity..... not that I'm cursing them)". It sucks whenever I hear the children say such things. It gets tough because no matter how much I try to connect with them there will always be that barrier between me and them. They would never look at me like as though I'm on the same level as the host teachers (of course). But what I really want from them, although it's tough to get, is a little bit of respect. I just need them to respect me whenever I'm talking and to acknowledge that I'm talking to them. But you know, not everything I wish for comes true: and all I pray for is that I do not break down and cry in front of them whenever things get tough.

Although I really dislike the fact that my attachment is taking up half of my holidays, and that it is 14 cred units - aka if I screw up even a slight bit, my grades would just be a huge goodbye. I will still willingly take on this challenge, and I will still walk this journey. It has been tough, but it has also been such a great and eye-opening experience thus far, and there's still a long journey, a long way ahead of me. From learning how to manage these children to also managing myself and controlling my emotions. I've learnt to handle things slowly and surely, without letting all my frustrations get in the way.

I guess through the last 2 weeks, I've learnt to look at things with a more open mind. Every experience with these children, will be a learning point for me. It will be something that makes me a better person. I will continue to complain and whine about it, but I will also learn something from it now. Hopefully the complaining and whining will be lesser in future (days to come), but for now; Let me take another small step in trying to make myself a better person.