Although I know a lot of people, but i have very few friends. And even fewer true friends. Most of my "friends" don't even bother trying to keep our friendship going and it’s pretty saddening. Yes, I do have a few people who i can consider to be real friends and I really really do cherish and love them. I just need to do my part in keeping and growing these worth-it friendships because I’m tired of being lonely and having nobody to talk to. Back then, it never used to matter if other people talked to me, trusted me or cared about me because all I wanted was you. Now that I rarely have your attention, I find myself endlessly trying to build relationships and friendships that are meaningless.Meaningless because I know that they won't work out and that they're all using me.

I'm lucky I found myself a small hand-full of people who listen to me when I have things to say and treat those words like their secrets. I’m really thankful for the people in my life who actually bother to stay when things get rough instead of running. Because even though the world is filled with douchebags and bitches, I’ve found friends who make me happy. Friends who make me laugh and smile, and are there when shit happens. It's abit late but I’m just realizing how much I appreciate all of them, and how everyone deserves to have people in their life they care about.



Today when you asked me if we were still best friends, and I just nodded and said yes. I know we aren't exactly best friends but we're really close. I really don't like how I have to eavesdrop here and there and make your friends tell me what happened before I know what happened. It's not supposed to be like that. Friends tell each other things, they don't hide things, they tell the truth. Am I really someone you can't trust? I should have said all these things to you, but I didn’t, because I know you. I know you'll end up being mad and you'll make a fuss out of something like this. I know you'll hate me and we'll drift even further apart. I did that to save the fragile friendship that we have. I can't possibly do this forever right? So, what am I suppose to do?