March 16, 2015

it's ok

“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.”
- Josh Billings

I'm too nice. No, I don't mean it as a compliment or anything like that. I'm just simply too nice. I don't know how to say 'no'. I feel the need to always do nice things that people expect of me, the things that I think are nice and right. I'm always thinking about the things that I should do, the things that would make people happy. A really clear example of me not being able to say 'no'? 
"Sheryl, can you work tomorrow?" // ((Shit!!! But it's my off day......)) // "Yeah ok, what time?"
I couldn't say no because I felt bad. So I said yes to going back to work, even though I was looking forward to finally having a day off. Trust me, I was really really looking forward to having a day off after an entire week at work. But of course, being unable to say no didn't leave me an option of having the day off I was looking forward to. 

It's been awhile since I've done something for myself. Since I've decided to say no to things and not feel guilty about it. It's nice to finally remember that saying 'no' doesn't mean the world would crumble into pieces. I've finally put myself before everyone else's needs and requests. They may require me to reply them but hey, what if I don't want to? I'm not obliged to do things that people ask of me. I can choose to not reply someone if they're making me uncomfortable. I don't have to worry about them being upset that I'm "ignoring them". So why haven't I stopped replying? Why do I still feel like I need to reply because I would feel guilty. 

Feeling guilty because I've said 'no' a little too many times has begun taking its toll on me. I'm constantly worried that I've made someone upset, or angry. And it's really really tiring worrying about everyone and everything. It creates so much useless anxiety and drama inside me too. I could have been out enjoying myself, but no, just because I couldn't say no- I ended up losing a day of rest to head back to work, or I end up just cringing at conversations I've to reply to.

Something I've learnt along the way is that happiness is clearly a choice. It doesn't drop from a tree. And you definitely can't rely on someone else to bring you happiness. Yes, they can be there sometimes, but what about the times that they're gone. Who's gonna make you happy then? These choices of saying either yes or no, makes up happiness too. I can choose to be happy by saying no to certain people and yes to others. It's all based on what I want. It may sound selfish, but really, aren't we living in the 21st century. It's okay to be selfish sometimes. To think about yourself and what you really need, before the needs of others. 

After two straight days of retail therapy, I realized that it's absolutely okay to pamper yourself once in awhile. It's absolutely okay to treat yourself to good food, to good company. Buying cute things that probably are useless, just because it makes you happy is okay too!! It's okay to cancel plans just to create new ones. It's okay to put yourself before others. It's okay to say no. Or to say yes. Or to choose whatever makes you happy, even if it means having to make someone else upset. Because we can never fully please every single one who requests something from us, can we? 

I drew this myself but the actual drawing is taken from we <3 it so cress to whoever this design belongs too

Good vibes, positive vibes.
You can choose to be happy. 
It's a choice you can make, it's a choice you should make.

with much love, sheryl (ɔ˘ ³(ˆ‿ˆc)