January 20, 2015

happier times

g r a d e s 
e x a m s 
a s s i g n m e n t s 
p r e s e n t a t i o n s 
work work work and more work

It's so scary how much work has to be done and submitted before the end of January (which is about 10 days away). Not to mention my examinations which are on the 10th and 11th of February. I used to be able to handle stress well, maybe it's because the stress I was used to dealing with was never on such large a scale. 

I feel weird and free today. I'm finally done with my individual presentation for SPSS and group presentation for TETL. I feel weirdly, oddly without a purpose and I don't really know what to do now. I worried for weeks about my individual presentation even though everyone say I would do just fine. "Fine" meaning I would pass anyways, because no one has ever failed. I guess all my hard work and efforts paid off when I saw my grades for my presentation. 

I don't know where to start on the current assignments I have, not to mention examination revisions! I just feel odd since the one thing I've been constantly doing for the past few days is now finally done. I know there's so much to do, but I just can't bring myself to start - because I simply don't know how.

My groupmates have been super understanding and super helpful, which I am so grateful for. Without them pushing and encouraging me through I would probably have given up a long time ago. Group projects are a blessing, but they're a disaster too. Why a disaster? Because if I screw anything up, everyone's grades would be affected and I would have to bear the responsibility of it. Now tell me, how do I not freak out knowing that everything holds such high percentage. 

I'm truthfully beyond scared and super duper worried that I wouldn't do well this semester. Everyone says "It's alright! We'll all do well.", but I definitely haven't been putting in as much effort as before. I'm worried for my grades but yet I'm doing nothing about it- and that in itself is frightening. I'm so worried and afraid that everything I'm doing and have done would not be good enough and that my overall grades would be badly affected. It's nerve wrecking and to whoever said that poly life was a breeze, you clearly don't know. I'm just wishing for a miracle, but I know it's impossible. So here's to working harder and pushing on, trying to get the best out of what's left in me.

P.s. I realized how upsetting my posts have been and how there were way too much negative vibes floating around inside me. I promised myself that 2015 will be a more positive year. Despite the stress, I would still try to find the little, small things that make life better. If I started 2015 on a positive note, I would try my very very best to keep it up. So on a brighter note:

Positive Vibes 

This is probably going to be weird blogging about something that happened at the start of January, but who cares. I'm always late at posting and blogging about things anyways. This one event started off my 2015 for me. While everyone was talking about spending their 1st of Jan doing something special, I was cleaning up the house. Nothing special there, but everything mundane. 

When I was invited to join Liang Wei for his social night, I agreed. But to be very honest when he first asked, I was completely shocked. Of all people he could have asked, why me? What was I supposed to expect out of such an event? The first person I told was my mum, and she gave me the weirdest looks! It was expected though, since even I can't remember how we met. It was through school, but with him being a Sec 5 student then and me being a newbie Sec 1. It was weird, but hey, we've been friends ever since. 

So when the 2nd of January came about, I was a mess. I didn't plan on what to wear and all those typical before prom stuff. I waited till the last minute to get ready (BAD IDEA)!! It was huge mistake getting ready only at the last minute since I had to ensure everything at home was locked and closed before leaving. I felt really bad since I had to make him wait O O P S :-( 

I'll just skip the details of what happened through the entire event since not everyone wants to read about what I ate and what I did. We talked about almost everything and we really enjoyed each other's company through the night. Well, I did for sure. It was something completely new and I was really glad I got to spend the evening with him celebrating their success so far. 

Everyone at the table was really quiet and no one was doing much expect for eating so I felt really awkward trying to take pictures. But after the event ended, I'm lucky I remembered and we took a few. Although our faces were probably really horribly oily from waiting outside for the cab, and not to mention the lighting................ 

So a great big thank you for inviting me and for letting my start my 2015 on such a positive note.

This is just a small part of what's to come and their journey in OCS will be much tougher the next few months. I'm just super proud of him and of everything that he has accomplished so far. It'll be a long journey and road ahead, but I'll always be here to support (mentally) him through it. I know you think that you still have a long way to commissioning, but I'm pretty sure and I have so much faith in you that you'll make it to the end. I know deep down you will.
I can't be happier that I found such a wonderful guy. So if you're ever reading this, thank you. Honestly, and sincerely, thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

with much love, sheryl (ɔ˘ ³(ˆ‿ˆc)